Wednesday, November 08, 2006
.....life story.....
rite now i dun noe y....
but i once swear i wont do it again...
but i did again todae...
i shred my tears for her again...
well y...
is it juz so hard to forget summone...
i'm a idiot...
she juz not worth it...
well i hope i can say tat...
y..
maybe a few yrs of relationship is juz so hard to end in juz two weeks...it juz too hard...
maybe u can do it...but not me...
i'm not tat type of guy..
u dun noe me well enough...
sumtimes...
i feel lonely...
its even hard to get someone to listen to u talk..
or maybe talk to summone...
all r juz too buzi...
i'm leading a fuck up life...
or maybe it juz my character not to mix with ppl...
i dun noe...
either wae...
i'm not popular in ani sense..
aite....
e.g...
ppl may say i'm close to hui..
she shares all her things with me...
she hides nth from me...
i'm her gd listener...
her good pal...
her gd frenzs...
but seriously.. speaking...
i'm not de closest to her...
u all may nt thought of it..
it juz sumone else..
hakz...
i'm ok with it as long as she smiles when i craps to make her smile...
i rather she smile den cry...
everytime she crys i feel sad..
dun noe y..
i realli dun understand my self....
den..i haf been thinking of it....long~~~
i noe alot of my frenzs r hafing probs..~~
i tried console dem...
help dem...
but most of de time...
my help not nided i guesss...
i wished to share deir prob to lighten deir load....
but most of de time ...
all i get back after i say "i be ur ear, care to share...." is
either nutting or dun feel like talking abt it....
well such a feedback has make me doubt of myself...
m i realli nided...
seems like no one nids me or anithing...
maybe a few others i guess...
my mum aite...i making no comment on it....
my grandma...haiz sama no comment....
my bro hmm maybe once a while gd to me..but de recent sentence he gave me..
make me realli sad...
den well..my dad...i dun miss him ah...i dun noe y...maybe its juz cause he was nvr dere for me from me young to now....
or maybe for de slap he gave me for sumthing i nvr did...n it was cause of my bro who put de thing not properly...
i dun noe...
i was treated most unfairly most of de times...
maybe dat de reason i turn bad during my sec 1 n 2...
i guess..
i changed realli alot...
after i come back from thai..
n after de relationship ended...
i dun noe which affected me...
shell notice my changed n tag at my board...
i noe... i notice it myself...
maybe my attitude...
de wae i talk...
my interest...
de ppl i mix with..
i dun noe...
hilmee is a great guy....
his one hu understands others..
n willing to help n listen...
i appreciate it...
realli thx for listening..
i think if i knew u earlier..
we may be great pal...
i dun noe..
maybe tat wat i think..
my wishful thinking..
maybe...
it alwaes has been..
An said...
he miss me..
wan to chat with me..
say he nids a ear..
well...
i told him i be his ear..
i listen to him..
chat with him when he was at de lowest..
but...
he alwaes kip quiet abt his prob....
alwaes remain silent...n say nutting..
dun feel like saying...
not time to say..
or wat soever...
i thought of it..
maybe i can stop worrying abt him..
n stop calling him...
in de first place...
i called him for de first time was cause...
he was sad....
n said dat he wanted to "go home"..
well dis magic line was de line....de sentence....de words...
dat make me wan to talk to him..
n another is cause i helping her...
to talk to him..
when she left him..
i juz dun wan him to be sad...
i may not noe anithing abt him...
serious...even though i chat with him most of de time..
but de % of me seeing him is like so super low..
haks..maybe...i'm juz a extra in his life..
n my presence is not nided...
n even if i was around it wouldnt affect him..
his life would juz go on....
well den khai khai khai...
i dun noe ah u ....
when i first met u ..
well u were sad i noe..
u knew i was too..
we started chatting..
we shared problems....
we sad together....
but now..
i dun noe..
maybe...i changed or wat ...
after puasa...
de no. of times we chat is well getting lesser...
n...u dun share ur probs with me animore...
u juz kip it to urself...
aite..
i noe its none of my concern..
n i shuld juz fuck off...
so wat de big deal...
aite...
i juz kip my mouth shut...
my fingers to myself...
n my concern juz let it die..
i noe its not nided..
recently...
i'm grateful to azima..
she been a great listener...
was chatting with her de other dae during jln raya...
she a great companion...
reallii~~`
heee~~
sumtimes...i realli thought abt it...
is msn realli nided...
mine put dere like whole dae onli a few ppl will chat with me..
its alwaes de same few la actually..
hui,syg,hay,den 1 or two others...
its same...
not much diff...
i'm getting sick of msn...
maybe shuld juz uninstall n not use pc...
nth much aniwae...
welll....
for me...
life realli sux...
fuck up...
screw...
i dun noe..
i haf low self esteem now..
cause of myself...
or cause of others..
dat for others to find out n tell me...
i dun noe aite..
i'm kind of tired of life..
so i can juz jolly well....
shut up n get lose...
if i offend anione in dis post...
i'm realli sorrie..
didnt mean it..
thx~~~ bye~~~
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
